tapeworm tim

i swear im nursing a small monster inside of me.

it was one of those days. from the morning, the little monstrosity started clammoring for some huge calorie ladden food product.

and i could not for the life of me make the gremlin go away.

i was ok for most of the day, until dinner...at which there was dessert, namely key lime pie. oh GOD, there was key lime pie.

key lime pie definitely falls into the list of foods which i haven't really eaten in....almost 6 years now I guess. This list includes chocolate chip cookies, pie, cake, bagels, milkshakes, french fries, full servings of pasta, glasses of juice, snickers bars, fried chicken, and a host of other foods. sure, i've nibbled here and there (c is for crumbs, and that's good enough for me!), but to actually just eat...now that's another story entirely.

i guarantee you that i could have easily eaten an entire pie plate of key lime pie, probably in about five minutes. and the scary part about that statement is how there isn't a shred of facetiousness in it.

the obvious answer to this sort of craving would be to have a piece.

and so of course, being the normal person i am i cut myself a nice piece of pie. and proceeded to play with it. and poke it. and scrape some crumbs off it. and then prod it....and then....throw it away.

another dessert wasted. i could still taste it as i threw it away.

i spent most of the night away from the dorm/open kitchen. maybe sometimes you can't stand to be around people. me, i just can't stand to be around food sometimes.

it's funny because i was talking to someone recently and i felt like i was talking to a younger version of myself...i felt so momentarily strong. i felt like i really had come a long way talking to her... i guess toughness is fleeting though.

i'm still crunched up on this chair.

this abyss, i...ache.